To the people who I have quoted from Facebook, I am not trying to be a dick or whatever, I’m just demonstrating the point that everyone needs to be more happy in life and appreciate the friends you have around you, whether you are bonking each other senseless or not.
Every year, Valentines Day turns some singles into depths of despair. Sure, all the couples go out and express their affection (and fair play to them), and some of the singles (myself included) take the meaning of the ‘holiday’ in such a way that you can celebrate both your singleness (e.g. take an hour and go do a hobby or go out with friends) and all of your close friends. But it also turns all the insecure singles who say such things as “another year without a Valentine ;___; *forever alone*” and “OMG why are they’re no good men/women anywhere”, into the stereotypical ice-cream chugging facebook spammers.
Like I say, I fall in that second category. Sure, I don’t get cards, but who cares? I did stuff for me today – I went to lectures, did a bit of work, had a group project meeting, played a little bass, tidied the kitchen for the couple I live with to cook their meal together later on in the evening and then headed out to the uni’s Battle of the Bands heat and cheered on a very good friend of mine. I also made a point to let my closest friends know during the day that I truly appreciate them, especially at a time where some quite severe personal issues have arisen for me over the last couple weeks. No cataclysmic meltdown. Which lead me to think something on the drive home – what leads some singles to such misery?
Everyone has a fantastic support network of friends that would be there for you in the drop of a hat in a crisis. So what if your not in a relationship or getting laid tonight? Why not appreciate that you have people who legitimately appreciate, support and love you for who you are – isn’t Valentines simply a day to express the love you have for other people? Does the factor of it being platonic or sexual matter? To many, I’m sure it doesn’t. But I’m also sure many people are already dismissing me as an idiot with no clue what I’m talking about. To those people I ask to read the following few paragraphs.
I thought I’d do a little research on what people look for in a relationship partner. By and large, the same few key phrases kept coming up: humorous, good listener, personality, common interests, courage, honesty, kindness, trustworthy, work ethic, cute, clean, playful, sweet, not serious or clingy or too touchy – the list keeps going on and on through the usual buzzwords.
This leads me to two points – One, these words (barring looks unless you really are that shallow) describe what many people are also looking for in friends as well as potential boy/girl-friends. So surely if the two are very similar in qualities, surely then it would make sense that you can treat them as the same and appreciate friends as much as you would a partner.
Second, ask yourself why do you want a relationship? Do you gain any substantial benefit from being in one over being single? Sure, you have the chance to appease your natural desire to copulate with another human and your need for intimacy is met and potentially gain a relationship where you can mutually support and provide for each other for life. But ask yourself what do you lose as well – chances are you lose time that was for yourself and other friends. Maybe you don’t have as much time to do that hobby you enjoy. Maybe you can’t afford to go out to dinner with a significant other and out with friends and have to ration your spending. I’m not saying one is better than the other, but ask yourself truly what the real reason you want someone for, and is desiring such a thing worth the negative feelings?
So in 2013, when your in the same situation, don’t become all woe is me and the like. Realise that you have all the love you need in the world – and hey, who knows, that next friend you make might just be the one to give you it all.
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This was a point I was developing at the start, but didn’t really tie in to the final article or have a finishing point, so I’ve put it as a separate point. It leads on from the point of what people desire in a relationship and sort of extends upon the equivalence between a friend and a relationship partner.
Most of the people I know have many of these traits, and only two or three of them differ vastly from person to person – personality and common interests. Naturally, factors like trustworthiness will help create a strong relationship, but without a personality that is considered attractive to you and any common interest (with very few exceptions), there can be no form of social bonding, whether be it friend or relationship partner.
Think about your best same-gender friend. Now why do you hang out with them? I’m willing to bet that 99% have said something that is about their personality that draws you in. or a common interest that you both share. In my case, and I’m willing to guess again that for most of you, it’s both.
Now apply that to either a relationship partner or someone you are attracted to. Once again, I’m willing to bet that it’s one of these two factors that is the key, if not both. Yes, physical looks are a factor, but if you were offered the choice between a relative 10 who hated everything you stood for or a relative 5 who shared every view and interest you want in a partner, who would you choose?
Let’s be honest, if I asked you to list five criteria who you look in a potential relationship partner, you could do it quite easily. Similar taste in music and entertainment, interested in debating current affairs, appreciates that I play video games (and may even want to join in), supports me for who I am regardless and isn’t a vegetarian. See, not that hard. Now, apply those to your friends. Chances are, many of them also apply to them.
